Day Sixteen: The Blogger Challenge (Something difficult about your lot in life...)

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Day Sixteen: The Blogger Challenge - Something difficult about your lot in life and how you're working to overcome it...

I have been toying with a few ideas of what to write about for this challenge and I have finally decided to write about something very personal and emotional to me.  Please note that I am not writing this to gain sympathy or attention - I was very lucky to come out of the situation relatively unscathed but I want to highlight the dangers to others so that they don't go through what I went through.   

A few years ago I was in a violent relationship with an alcoholic and I didn't have the courage to end it until the night he attempted to hit me with a wine bottle. 

I met my ex in a local bar and he seemed quite friendly.  In all honesty I was probably on the rebound and it wasn't until a month or so into the relationship that he started play fighting quite rough - rugby tackling me etc.  He drank an awful lot but he had lied to me about his age so I thought he was just a normal early twenties lad.  As time went on, he started to get more aggressive -  hitting, punching and kicking and I did everything to justify why he was doing it to me.  I made excuses about the bruises and lied to my family to protect him. I took photos of every single bruise in case I needed them for proof at a later date so it was obvious I knew it was wrong.



It wasn't just physical abuse but also mental too. He would make fun of me due to my weight and other physical things, bully me and isolate me from my friends and try to control me.  He didn't work and I was stupidly funding his alcohol and gambling addiction.

I became very withdrawn and lost my love of life and although I knew I could find someone else, the constant comments of "You're so ugly, no one else would want you" stopped me kicking him out.  My best friend knew and every weekend she would ring me to make sure I was still alive.  She was extremely worried about me but he used to put on a "show" in front of any other people to make out  he was the perfect gentleman.

Looking back, I was pathetic but at the time I wanted to help him overcome his addictions and he was also a welcome distraction to my dad becoming seriously ill and dying of cancer.

The night he tried to hit me with the wine bottle, I'd had enough. It was like a switch had changed inside me.  My mum was living with us and it was around 3am when he'd strolled in from the bar.  He was very threatening and seemed a lot more drunk / out of it than usual.  We're not sure if he had been spiked or had voluntarily taken drugs.  I screamed when he approached me threatening me with the wine bottle and genuinely feared for my life.  Mum came upstairs and dragged me downstairs while I called his mum to come and remove him from the house.  Thinking back, it should have been the police I called.  His mum picked him up and at first I was really upset.  There was no going back now and I still had the mentality of being single for the rest of my life because I was so hideous.  After a week it became apparent how much better my life was without him in it.  

Many months of text messages and phone calls ensued.  I replied to keep him away from the house.  I also attempted to speak to him after he had assured me that he had changed but he was exactly the same so I told him to leave me alone.  Finally, the police were involved after an incident at my house and I haven't heard from him since.

The point in me bringing this very personal topic up is that if anyone is ever in this situation, please get out.  I have been left emotionally and financially scarred but I am working towards repairing both and I am lucky because I could have been killed or seriously hurt.



4 comments:

  1. When I was 19 I was in a similar situation. It's only hitting my 30s that my confidence is back.

    I have been single for the last 3 years but this has not made me feel worse, in fact being single is the best thing I have ever done. I am now ready for an adult relationship whenever that may appear and I know it's not my appearance as to why I am single so all that was said to me, the controlling, the mental bullying is definitely their insecurities about me as I now know I am gorgeous and pretty awesome! As are you! xx

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  2. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story, it is a very brave thing to do. You're a gorgeous girl and you deserve far far better than that xx

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  3. You are very brave for sharing this. I am sorry this happened to you, you know you didn't deserve this. He was obviously a disturbed man. I hope you are getting where you want to be. xxx

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  4. Thank you for all your comments :) It actually feels almost like a weight has been lifted because apart from my mum, Mr FH and a couple of close friends/family members no one has ever been told about this stage of my life. I still get nervous when in town as I don't want to bump into him but it's becoming more of a distant memory that hopefully will disappear soon :)

    xx

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